I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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