Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
