I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
