FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
