I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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