your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
