So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
