So drunk its hurt
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
