Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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