I'm so fucking centered right now
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
