She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
