Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
