Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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