I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
