Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
