The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
