She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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