she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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