Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
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