i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
I told him we canโt see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize