I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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