Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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