Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
