If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
