i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
