i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
