I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
