ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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