Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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