Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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