I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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