I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
