he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
