mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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