Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
so much tequila, so little girl.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
