Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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