you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
