walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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