she was so not down for the gang bang
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
