We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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