No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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