I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
