I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
