Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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