I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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