He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
