when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
