mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
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The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm like, not good at living.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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