we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
