Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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