I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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