STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
