sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
