Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize