I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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