doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize