just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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