I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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