He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
