you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
