I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
