How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We are all done wearing pants today
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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