Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
