nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she smelled like a LAN party
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
