i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well I just put wine in my tea
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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