I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
