dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
