he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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