3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
