i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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