Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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