I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
