There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
