i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
