I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
