So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
