So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
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He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
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I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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