he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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