I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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