Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
