I think my fart just growled at me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
