I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
