Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
